Ladies of the world! The traditional gift-giving season is past you, but perhaps you have a male friend with a summer birthday and you’re looking to get him something cute and perhaps inexpensive. Well. What is it that Men are always thinking about, that concept that plagues the male mind and never wants to leave? You get three guesses and the first two don’t count.

That’s right, I’m talking about bacon! … What? No, definitely bacon. Get your mind out of the gutter.

Bacon may be one of the finest confluences of Salt and Animal there ever has been. Its aroma is an intoxicating liquor, its mouthfeel a tone poem of fat and protein on the tongue, and its gentle, yielding crunch is a testament to the gifts of the Pig to Man.

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Excuse the pause. I may have drooled slightly on the keyboard.

So now, though it is no longer the Year of the Pig, I humbly present bacon-themed cool gifts for guys that you might want to get for the men in your life.

1. J&D’s Bacon Salt: http://www.baconsalt.com/ourstory.php

And you doubted the existence of a loving God, didn’t you? This is not to be believed – salt that tastes of bacon, in three flavors (Original, Hickory, and Peppered). The brainchild of two self-dubbed “bacontrepreneurs” (this may be the word of the year); Bacon Salt is, according to their website, a “zero calorie, vegetarian, certified kosher seasoning salt that makes everything taste like real bacon”. Hope springs eternal.

2. The Wake N’ Bacon alarm clock: http://www.mathlete.com/portfolio/wakeNbacon.php

I first heard about Matty Sallin’s Wake N’ Bacon on Lynn Rossetto Kaspar’s Splendid Table podcast, and I was delighted. I am unsure if this is something available for purchase, but it’s certainly something worth investigating. It’s an alarm clock that wakes you not with a blaring noise but with the gentle sizzle of bacon. You put a slice of frozen bacon in the special cooking basket the night before, and when the alarm goes off, twin halogen bulbs slowly cook the bacon until you are awoken by the scent. And what better way to start the day than with a piece of bacon before even leaving bed? Don’t answer that.

3. The Grateful Palate’s bacon-related offerings: http://www.gratefulpalate.com

These guys aren’t kidding around. There’s a Bacon of the Month Club, bacon soap, and my personal favorite, BLT votive candles. The candles come in a set of three, each with a delightful little icon of the sandwich component the candle imitates, with a little legend that reads “Bacon = Freedom; Lettuce = Love; Tomato = Passion” on each successive one. You really can’t lose here: buy your guy friend a Bacon of the Month subscription if you feel like splurging (it’s $150 for a monthly shipment of ‘artisan bacon’), or, if that’s too much, get him a bar or two of bacon soap, and send it to him wrapped in the Grateful Palate’s Bacon Gift Wrap.

4. Joanna Pruess’s Seduced by Bacon cookbook, by The Lyons Press, a subsidiary of the Globe Pequot Press: http://www.globepequot.com

At 25 dollars in hardcover, this book, with glossy full-color photographs of the food in question, is definitely worth consideration as a gift for your bacon-crazed buddies. The publisher’s website lists a few example recipes that sound odd, if not enticing: “Candied Bacon Bites”, for one, and “Sweet Potato-Hazelnut Rösti with Apricots, Bacon, and Watercress” (Rösti are Swiss potato pancakes.). Even if the guy you buy this for never makes anything in the book, it’ll still make a great coffee-table tome, and he might amuse himself by looking at the pretty pictures.

Have you ever talked to a woman about what she looks for in a man? The chances are that you have been too scared to ask. After all, what would you do if she described her ideal man and it turned out you looked nothing like him?

While we can’t all look as good as Denzel Washington and other heartthrob black men, we can take a look at who the ladies consider to be the finest black man in order to take some pointers.

What to Learn from Denzel Washington

Sure, Denzel Washington has naturally good looks. Still, one of the things that makes him to be considered the finest black man by so many women is his quiet confidence. Denzel doesn’t walk around talking about how good looking he is. He doesn’t come off as cocky. He doesn’t try to be a bad boy. Rather, he is suave and sophisticated. So, if you want to learn how to be like Denzel Washington, one of the things you need to do, is to keep yourself looking well put together and to create an air of quiet confidence.

What to Learn from Billy D. Williams

Billy D. Williams also has an air of sophistication. Not only that, he isn’t afraid to be a sci-fi nerd, as he demonstrated in his Star Wars role. So, what you can learn from Billy D. Williams is to be sophisticated whenever possible, but don’t be afraid to let your geeky side show on occasion.

What to Learn from Laurence Fishburne

Laurence Fishburne has the ability to look like a sophisticated gentleman one minute, and then to look like a tough and jaded gangster the next. Just like you may be looking for a woman that is a good girl at your parent’s house but is a tiger in the bedroom, many women are looking for a man that has the ability to be a bad boy one minute and a gentleman the next. So, from Laurence, you can learn that changing it up is important to a woman. With your different personas, which you are able to use in different situations, you can keep things interesting for her and you won’t embarrass her when she shows you off to her friends.

What to Learn from Morris Chestnut

Morris Chestnut has mastered the ability to come off as a “regular guy.” He is good looking, yet he comes off as if he is just some regular guy that you would meet on the streets. At the same time, he has played several heroic roles where he has helped save the damsel in distress. With that said, you can learn from Morris Chestnut that you shouldn’t always come off as if you are some big, bad superhero. At the same time, when the moment calls for it, be there to rescue your lady when she needs you.

What to Learn from Tyson Beckford

Sure, Tyson Beckford has muscles that just seem to go on forever. That is certainly part of the reason why so many of the ladies love him. Still, part of his appeal is the fact that he doesn’t come off like some big-muscled idiot with biceps bigger than his brain. Not only that, he doesn’t treat women as if they should be lucky to breathe the same air as him. It doesn’t matter how physically appealing you are – if you come off like a jerk, the ladies might be attracted to you at first, but the interest will quickly fade. While you may be willing to put up with a queen that acts like you aren’t worthy of being with her, most women are not quite so accommodating.